What’s the BIG idea?
The other day, I listened to a podcast.
(Don’t tell anyone, but I may have been interviewed for more podcasts than I’ve listened to…here’s a fun one I did for the Mindfulness of Singing, who have just released their new book!)
I don’t often listen to podcasts, mostly because I don’t like wearing earbuds. Also, I’m a skimmer. And I like spoilers.
As a maybe important aside, this podcast miracle occurred while I was running on a treadmill. So I’ve been on high alert, waiting for a third miracle to show up any day now.
(Hint: This is not me. I would not be running on a treadmill if there was sunshine or green grass outside!)
To be clear, this podcast was pretty significant: it was the last in a series from Brené Brown called Unlocking Us. From the moment she and her sisters invited her listeners to “stay awkward”, I was hooked!
In this particular two-part episode, Brené shares about her research where she asked people if they really believed that other people in general were doing the best they can. She discovered there were two camps – the ones who thought about it for a while, and hesitantly answered that they thought maybe yes, it could be possible that people were doing the best the can. The other camp, my camp, was the adamant, straight out with it, “hell no” camp.
She discovered that the camp two-ers, (aka my camping buddies), tended to be perfectionists. Guilty as charged. Actually, this is most of the classical musicians that I know. And, as a non-verifiable sidebar, most of the musicians I know are Virgos. Who also tend to be perfectionists. I’m pretty sure I’ve won Brené Bingo by now! But I digress – perfectionism is a topic best saved for a whole other blog post.
Brené noted a certain trait with the camp one-ers, where even if they weren’t sure that others were doing the best they can, that if they BELIEVED others were doing their best, in any given situation, they could have more empathy for them, and choose whether or not they would consider helping the person.
Woh.
This blew my mind wide open.
This means that even those guests that stay at your apartment until 4 in the morning and then play your piano despite the European noise laws about when you can do your laundry on the weekend because even the washing machines are too loud, and then they lose their shoes on their way home are doing the best they can.
Oh, you were thinking serial killers and axe murderers? Right, definitely a bigger issue. Well, yes, it means that we are to believe that they too are doing the best they can.
Here’s why:
Brené went on to say that if we choose to believe that people are doing their best, then we can choose what our boundaries are going to be in order to decide whether or not we will continue to be generous with our time, our resources, our energy.
Brené calls this living BIG: setting up BOUNDERIES so that I can work from my INTEGRITY while being GENEROUS.*
This concept has really resonated with me. Moving forward, I’d love to look at how I can start to live BIG in all sorts of life situations.
Here are a few ways I can apply this idea from the piano bench:
An organization asks me to play some Christmas tunes at their holiday party for free. I can respond: I’ve already allocated my volunteer hours for the year; however, I’d be very pleased to offer a financial donation to the organization’s cause.
A musician asks me to learn a piano part in a few hours because they forgot they needed to hire a pianist for an audition. No problem, I’m available and I have a special fee in place for last minute emergencies just like this one. This way, I can cancel my other projects for the day and dedicate my afternoon to the learning music so I can help them nail the audition.
I get really excited about an idea and want to interpret a song in a new way. It turns out, though, that my idea doesn’t really work for this particular singer’s voice. I can choose to be generous by adjusting my interpretation to their particular instrument, so that I can help them have a great performance of the piece, and save my idea for another time.
Or, how about this one: you want me to become a podcast junkie with you so we can exchange life epiphanies. Yeah, sorry…don’t think that’s gonna happen!
But how about this: you can give me the “Cole’s notes” version of your favourites while we’re out for a run!
*From Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong:
What boundaries do I need to put in place so I can work from a place of integrity and extend the most generous interpretations of the intentions, words, and actions of others?
